Regardless of the new year not feeling like it has much external significance for me, it does always present an opportunity to ruminate and reflect, and those are activities that I quite enjoy. This year, as I thought about what I'd like to change, the laundry list was longer than I'd like it to be. Despite being home and being surrounded by loved ones, I have been frequented by more headaches, unsatisfied with my job, and beyond grumpy about the dark and the cold.
In reality, when I think from a healthy perspective, I am aware that I am incredibly blessed. Inside, so many days, it is hard to remember that. And it just doesn't seem like it should be so hard to remember that. Doesn't seem it should be hard to be happy. So then I'm hard on myself: 'how can I be unhappy when I'm so privileged, when I'm so fortunate?' And of course, that doesn't usually help me feel better.
What does seem to help, is being intentional about being present, being grateful, and spending my time doing things that 'wake me up' to beauty. Writing is one of those things. I had all but stopped and I'd like to start again. Without stressing about not having spectacular things from far away lands to write about, and without having to make each post entirely perfect. I'd like this to continue to be a space in which I continue to reflect and clamor toward happiness. Thanks for coming back to read and reflect with me.
Happy New Year.
Everyone should be born into this world happy
and loving everything
But in truth it rarely works that way.
For myself, I have spent my life clamoring toward it.
Halleluiah, anyway I'm not where I started!
And have you too been trudging like that, sometimes
almost forgetting how wondrous the world is
and how miraculously kind some people can be?
And have you too decided that probably nothing important
is ever easy?
- Mary Oliver, Halleluiah
3 comments:
Rebekah! What a delight to see the unexpected "upon all paths" line show up on my google reader! I must say, I'm glad you're a beginnings person. I have missed your insights - and just hearing about your life this way.
Being present is, at least as I'm learning, freaking hard. It's something we're trying to do ourselves (the community of volunteers here at Centro Arte) and hold each other accountable to living into. But shoot is it ever tough.
Surround yourself with love as you take this on. And know that you've definitely got a lot of it coming from me. :)
Qué bien entrar y ver unas lineas después de tanto tiempo. Se te echa de menos, pero también se echa de menos leer un poquito de ti cada cierto tiempo.
Me alegro de que retomes el hábito de escritura, te ayudará a ordenar pensamientos. Un beso enorme y que todo vaya bien!
It is so good to have you back! Back on the blog, back into active intentionality, back near home. I'm enjoying it all in this moment. And I applaud you for your clamoring and your presence.
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