acknowledgment...

We're a few weeks into our time here in Guatemala and things are moving along quite nicely. Students have, thus far, averted extreme/bizarre illnesses (no Scarlet Fever this time around - thank God). And despite the group being small, they are good to each other and have displayed an impressive level of interest and appreciation for our speakers.

I've been reading more than normal and going to bed early, probably part of the reason I haven't been writing here as much as I'd like to. But I have been thinking much about solitude and presence and why we're/I'm here in Central America.

On Saturday we went to a small indigenous community where we heard the story of a group of widows. Before we make the hike down to their houses Fidel always teaches us some words in Quiche and reminds us that by attempting to speak their language, by listening to their story, and by sharing a meal with them - we show them that we value who they are. This has been a recurring theme during my time here: that with your presence alone, you can show someone you value them.

I'm reading a wonderful novel in which a dying Reverend writes a long letter to his boy in hopes of telling him the things that might not ever be told otherwise. He speaks about baptism and the act of blessing something.

"There is a reality in blessing...It doesn't enhance sacredness, but acknowledges it, and there is power in that. I have felt it pass through me, so to speak. the sensation of really knowing a creature, I mean really feeling its mysterious life and your own mysterious life at the same time."

It's pretty unlikely that I'll ever baptize anyone, but my hope would be that through our presence and our solidarity with these communities, we would bless them - and acknowledge the sacredness within them. Certainly I am always blessed by them.

right relationships...

We're lucky enough, at the beginning of each semester, to meet with a political science professor from the capital who updates us on the 'current situation' here in Guatemala. I have started to look forward to this talk because rather than numbers and names of presidents and congressmen, etc...he pulls us into a process of critical analysis while painting a picture of Guatemala in relation to other countries around the globe.

When he asked the students how they would guess he responded to an invitation to join the guerrilla movement when he was just 21, one responded "I bet you said 'no'; you don't seem like a violent person". He chuckled and explained that he's not - that he has never killed anyone, doesn't know how to use weapons - but he believed that it was his 'deber' (duty) to join a movement that he felt was really struggling for the people and change. And then, and this is my favorite part, he talked at length about how someone can't really be revolutionary or encourage change if they aren't living in right relationships: with their kids, their neighbors, their classmates, their friends. If we can't figure out how to live in community - if we don't discuss political issues in a loving way with the people close to us, why would we expect our politicians to push through bi-partisan bills? If we don't treat the people in our house well - why would we expect people to make sacrifices for strangers?

It all starts with right relationships. And that's do-able. Poco a poco.

suerte del gato negro...

A cat fell through the roof of my room this morning.

I arrived here in Guatemala late last night after a sweet good-bye in Managua and a short plane ride into the capital. The hostel is empty; students don't arrive until tomorrow and my trusty companero Chepe won't be with me for parts of the semester, this being one of them.

So I got to bed kind of late and in the midst of strange dreams, around 5:45 am, I hear a loud crash and quick movement on the other side of the room. Entirely disoriented (not being able to remember exactly where I was) I tried to figure out what had happened and noticed a hole in the ceiling...right above my computer. I walked over to that side of the room, in the dark and reached across the bed to unplug my laptop when something hissed at me and I, naturally, screamed, waking up the house staff. It was a bit of an ordeal, street cats aren't friendly when they're scared and they certainly aren't something you want hanging out in your luggage. But we got it out, moved my luggage and I went back to sleep for another hour.

Some may consider a black cat falling from the sky, the morning before students' arrival to be a negative omen. However, a black cat in the audience the opening night in theater is also considered to foreshadow a successful play. Choosing to be optimistic, I'll opt for the latter and take it as a sign that the group on it's way here will be fabulous.

longing in the new year...

Well, it's a new year and a new semester, and with slight hesitation, I'd like to renew a commitment to write here more often. Being home for break was lovely and seeing people that I care about so deeply, that love me so well, is always life giving. It also reminds me of the stark differences between my world here and my world there, reminding me how important it is to write from time to time. To relay pieces of a different reality. If nothing else, to share a different perspective. To all who vocalized appreciation for these little musings I post, thank you; it's incredible encouragement.

Today was also a day of commitment for my brother and sister-in-law as they, with family present, participated in Noah's dedication at their home church. (Noah is 6 months old now and as adorable as ever - see 'proud-aunt-picture' to side.) I'm back in Nicaragua, so I obviously couldn't be there but I haven't stopped thinking about him, and his amazing parents, all day. I love my work and feel that this is where I should be; but I just hate being so far away on days like today.

I asked myself, in an email to my mom "How does one prioritize such important things like this? And will they still know how much I love them all...although I wasn't there for that specific moment?" She answered (in her never-ending wisdom and consistently speedy response time) with a blessing encouraging my longing. My longing to be in more than one place at once, my longing to help create spaces for change, my longing to belong to a circle of friends, a movement, to show family how crucial they are to who I am and how I move through this world.

So I thought I'd pass along her blessing, holding this sentiment for my little nephew as well as all of you reading this. Happy new year.


For Longing
by John O'Donohue

Blessed be the longing that brought you here
And quickens your soul with wonder.

May you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire
That disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.

May you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease
To discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.

May the forms of your belonging - in love, creativity, and friendship -
Be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.

May the one you long for long for you.

May your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.

May a secret Providence guide your thought and nurture your feeling.

May your mind inhabit your life with the sureness with which your body inhabits the world.

May your heart never be haunted by ghost-structures of old damage.

May you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.

May you know the urgency with which God longs for you.

despidiendo de nuevo...

The office is quiet and I'm between wrapping up semester stuff and packing for my trip home. Last week was full of reflections and final projects goodbyes, and really moving realizations from the students.

I really dislike having to watch them all go every 6 months, but I love getting to hear about the changes that this program has caused in their perspectives, in their approach to the world and their future work. The last week is always that shot of adrenaline that reminds me why I love this job and believe so much in learning from the stories of the underdog, in the growth and change that comes from living and learning in community, in looking at your own country, own people from a new viewpoint.

The things we hear during the process of the semester can be at times horrifying and overwhelming, and yet, people continue on with their struggle. Personally, if I try to look at it all at once, I'm almost dizzy. However, last week as I sat and listened to the students, one by one, talk about transformation and awakening things felt slightly closer to 'changeable'. This work of changing the status quo is slow and frustrating and seemingly impossible at times but important and honestly, I hope that it's always what I'm dedicated to. Whatever form it takes.

For the students who just left, and those who left a year ago and 7 months ago, thank you for taking this journey and taking it all to heart.

Do not depend on the hope of results. When you are doing the sort of work you have taken on, essentially an apostolic work, you may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results but on the value, the righteousness, and the truth of the work itself. And there too a great deal has to be gone through, as gradually you struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. The range tends to narrow down, but it gets much more real. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationships that saves everything.

- Thomas Merton

grateful...

It's 9 am Thanksgiving day and already 84 degrees and rising. I walked into the kitchen this morning and was greeted with a 'Como amaneciste?' as the cooks were already starting to prepare our traditional United States-ian feast. Certainly it's a strange thing to be in such a different place on these larger holidays. The table at my parents' house seems so far away, and yet it's all I can think about today.

Thankfully, Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that doesn't let you off easy. You just can't be grumpy on Thanksgiving - it's contrary to the whole essence of the holiday. This day demands gratitude; and that's a lovely thing, I think. My mother speaks often of gratitude and raised us in a house that demanded we be conscious of all of the ways that we were blessed. And, over the years, it's become clear to me how much happier I am when I'm grateful, how much more motivated and willing, believing and open I can be when I'm conscious of my great fortune.

I'm reading a book right now in which the main character talks about 'big bursts' and 'little bursts' as getting her through life. Big bursts like my stunning, new, little nephew, having a job that i adore, the engagement or marriage of a dear friend. And the more day-to-day things that keep us going - little bursts: a letter from home, dancing until I'm exhausted, opening a new jar of peanut butter, or my companero Chepe managing to crack me up every day.

And then there are the over-arching things that don't really burst at all, but gently exist as a glowing foundation below it all. I am grateful for the unconditional love of my family, the friendships that embrace me tenderly as I grow and transform continually, the tenacity I see in the people here and the idea - the stubborn hope - that progress and change, and justice are possible.

I am grateful today. Sweating, but grateful :) I miss you all.
Happy Thanksgiving.

20 years later...

Today is the 20 year anniversary of the assassination of six Jesuit priests, their housekeeper and her daughter. These priests, through their classes at a Salvadoran university, their writings, and their work with local communities openly struggled against the violence of the 12-year civil war and worked towards peaceful negotiations to end the conflict. Because of their work, they were brutally killed by the Salvadoran army, which was financially supported by the US.

We visit the place they were murdered with students and have the chance hear the history while being in that sacred space (to read old blog posts about our visits, see: 'six of many' or 'hidden in plain sight'). If you have a chance today (or this week) think of El Salvador and educate yourself on it and the United States role in its history.

If you're in Northfield: attend the commemorative events at St. Olaf!
Monday, Nov 16th at 7:00 pm - "El Salvador, What happened to Liberation Theology?" Father James Torrens, Viking Theatre
Wednesday, Nov 18th at 7:00 pm - Documentary "Enemies of War" followed by Q & A, Holland Hall 501

If you're not in Northfield check out a movie about El Salvador:
'Voces Inocentes' - a film made about the civil war in El Salvador
'La Vida Loca' - a recent documentary on gang life in El Salvador
'Hidden in Plain Sight' - a documentary on the School of the Americas

And if you're not a film person, just say a prayer for peace.

Thanks for checking in; I'm headed to the mountains for a few days. I'll be back in a week.

"All the blood of martyrs shed in El Salvador and in all of Latin America, far from plunging us into discouragement and dispair, instills a new spirit of struggle and new hope in our people. In this sense, even if we're not a 'new world' or a 'new continent' we are cleary and verifiably...a continent of hope."

-Jon Sobrino, Jesuit Theologian